A new chapter in this part of my life... I believe we shall call it: Paranoia.

After spending a little over 2 weeks in Paris, I am now at my "final destination" in Tours, France. I'm situated with a very nice older couple who have four children, one of whom had twins a couple days ago. I have not met my host mom yet, but my host father seems to be very nice. I am going to be sharing a bathroom with Carlo, the 34 year old who is doing his doctorate and has been in France for 9 months. It's nice to know that I'm not the only person who is a "guest" but it's intimidating at the same time. I'm very thankful to have WiFi here at the apartment. I was worried that it might not work out, but everything is fine. I live very close to the Institute, so that will prove nice when the weather decides to turn sour and wet and ugly. My host father informed me that it is very humid here because they are so close to 2 rivers, so that will be a little adjustment... Probably more humidity than Indiana... We'll see. My room is very nice... Yellow walls and a marble fireplace. As soon as I saw it, I thought, "Oh man, my dad is going to be so jealous." I don't know if it's used regularly, but I wouldn't be opposed to it.

My host father offered me lunch after helping me set up my computer and carrying my luggage up. There was a little trouble communicating because I realized that I have a lot more to learn when it comes to French culture in the kitchen and the vocabulary that supplements it. I ended up lunching on some baguette, tomato, tuna, cheese, and a pear. It was really good, but I felt bad sitting and eating while trying to think of topics of conversation to bring up with my host father. He sat there with me and was patient with me as I tried to talk to him. I'm already getting frustrated with my lack of French and I hate not being able to run over and talk to someone I know.
I cried for the first time today. The last few days in Paris, I was yearning for some solitude and alone time. Now that I am completely alone and in solitude, I want to go back to Paris. The grass is always greener on the other side, eh? I'm very thankful that we are all going to be together as a group for the next few days in Normandy before school starts because that will help me transition, I think.
The reason why I call this chapter of my life "Paranoia" is because I am extremely paranoid that I'm going to do something culturally unacceptable around my host family or that I'll say the wrong thing. My host father has corrected me so many times already, which I appreciate, but it makes me feel as if I should just quit and start speaking English. I've read a couple of books that talk about host families and culture shock, so I think that is feeding my obsession with wanting to make little to no mistakes, which in turn makes me hesitant to speak at all. I know that this is something that I will have to be diligent with, but that work is daunting as an idea. I'm going to be doing a lot of reading and studying in the next few months... and these next couple of days, I will be working on memorizing the most important phrases and concepts so that routine conversations are not so daunting.